There is no way that I will say that I know truly “What I
want”, in almost any respect. I want to pursue happiness: in all sense of the
meaning. Happiness can be temporal
(until the craving is fed). And it can be “long-lasting”, and as to what that
may mean—I am unsure. Things I wanted last year, of both the standard of myself
and out of people have changed—I think for the better, but regardless: my
temporalities have altered and become either nonexistent or they are securing
an existence within me. Slowly, perhaps,
“I” am becoming “Myself”.
The greater longevity a feeling, event, or presence
something or someone has in their life: the more substantial the other becomes,
is that not true?
I won’t pretend to understand myself in this moment, or what
we were in the past, but what I am highly aware of is the significant presence
that you once had within my life. I will not materially list off the most
relevant parts of “us” and the strongest/ weakest points we endured: because
that is like having wanderlust but suppressing those thoughts limiting yourself
to tours of the dark.
It is true that don’t know who I was or what we were, be it
a love or a loss. But what I can comprehend is the sheer mass I feel in my
heart/ soul/ and on my mind.
What can you do. What will I do?
